She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.

And it's not what I asked for.

Sometimes life just slips in through the back door

Carves out the person

And makes you believe it's so true.

And now I've got you.

And you're not what I asked for.

If I'm honest I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over

And rewrite an ending or two

For the girl that I knew.



Who'll be reckless just enough

Who'll get hurt but

Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised

And gets used by a man who can't love

And then she'll get stuck and be scared

Of the life that's inside her

Growing stronger each day

'Til it finally reminds her

To fight just a little

To bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone but it used to be mine.

Be kind to me.

After all is said and done...  I cannot deny that everything I felt was real.  Everything I felt.   I sit here and mourn something bigger than a love that is lost.   I mourn the loss of me.   Of everything I was or thought I was.   Here I am now.. just a broken and fragmented version of many pieces of me..   That I will have to now rebuild from the bottom.  Something more real and substantial. With purpose, meaning and worth.  With so much worth.    I just need to feel it.  Feel worth it.

One day I will be there.

For now.. I mourn and suffer and lick my wounds in the corner.  

One day I will be there.

I always chose you.

But now, I choose me.

Believe them.

You don't love me. You never did. You don't even know what love is.

You led me down the garden path.

I will never ever understand how the person I loved more than anything on this earth, could destroy me in such a devastating manner. I will never ever understand.

Leave me alone.

https://youtu.be/7Ww02hBysQ0