This is how everything felt to me. In the beginning..everything was very much so plenty and grandioso. I was adored, pampered. I was loved. Fully and in abundance.
Then it stopped. Suddenly it stopped.. And everything shifted. Those "loving" moments and gestures suddenly started to become not as strong, powerful, weighted and less frequent. And the time in between the moments would become longer..and longer.. Until there was nothing there.
I was so desperate to get that intense love that made me think I found my soul mate.. that I would be so elated and content when I would get that little scrap of love that would be thrown to me...that were so few and far in between... That I didn't even notice anything else. But when I would notice and try to leave..the love would come back full force all over again. But only for a very short while. Each time..even shorter.
I'm still reeling from the pain of the loss and all the psychological damage that I have incurred in this loveless catastrophe that I was dragged in to dance with..unsuspecting.. Unaware. Maybe I'll never be fully healed from it. But one thing I do know.
I will never again settle for crumbs. Settle for tiny fragments of broken love. I do not want love unless it is whole. Honest and true. I want love that is genuine. Full. Fixed. Capable. Unselfish. Kind. Mindful. And passionate.
I will never want, nor accept, crumbs.