I just want to thank you. In these 4 years that we have been together in whatever kind of "together" you want to call this dysfunctional relationship.. cuz technically..according to you.. we weren't together for a long time. But it was always according to your terms.. whenever it seemed to fit into your needs. So, yes. I want to thank you. For putting my life is SO much upheaval that it forced me to step back and take a good long hard look at myself.. and how I could let someone into my life and STAY there.. who was destroying me at such an epic level. Someone who made me feel like the worst shit I have ever felt in my whole entire existence. So, stop with the "i love you's". You do not love me. You never did. You do not destroy the people that you love. And I thank you for opening my eyes finally. So that now I can heal.. and be better. and never allow anyone like you into my life again. You have taught me the most valuable life lesson ever. Albeit, by force.. by pain and sadness and so much hurt to last a lifetime. But, as these lyrics go "You can grow flowers where dirt used to be.".. I'll keep that line. I'm excited to learn who this new me is going to be. A better me. A stronger me. A smarter me. Someone who can love more deeply and more whole. And someone who will love themselves so much.. that I'll invite someone who will love me so deeply, into my life. And my life will be full. I'll feel joy. I will feel SO much joy. So much happiness. I'll feel all those happy and gushy feelings. I'll smile so fucking big, my cheeks will hurt!!! :))))) Cuz I can. :) And .. the awesome thing is, those feelings don't go away for me. Cuz they're real. I'm capable of feeling all those super amazing wonderful things in life that bring me SO much light and love. And that's a really amazing thing. I am so grateful and amazed at the beautiful and breathtaking things that surround me every single moment of every day. I feel so lucky and honoured to be able to witness truly fantastic and wonderful things every day. I don't take those things for granted. It's totally awesome. :)))
Part of me feels bad for you... I am an Empath, afterall. I wanted to rescue you. Heal you. Take care of you. But you knew all this when you met me. With all your staged acts.. to get me to feel sorry for you. To lure me in. And it worked. I know that all of this stems from childhood trauma. I know this. And part of me feels so sad for you. For the way in which you will always feel so hollow and dark on the inside. How ugly that must be and feel like. And nothing will ever be good enough for you. And you'll always be envious of others and their accomplishments.
And that's that.
So, this Christmas, if you truly wanted to give me one gift.. it would be to leave me alone. Continue not contacting me. Let it go. Leave me be. I'll never believe your lies anymore.. I'll never be there ever again. Just let me be. I'm not yours. And never will be again.