Sunday, November 29, 2015

the loss of innocence.

"But you will come to see that the psychopath is something that your heart can never light up. And you will try. That’s what cognitive dissonance is all about. For months, you oscillated back and forth between the idealize and devalue phases, trying to understand which one was real. You reasoned that of course they loved you, because they said they did. But then you looked at their actions, which did not at all reflect their words. You know intuitively that love is not insulting, criticizing, cheating, and lying. Love does not make you feel suicidal. Love does not mock you for having hurt feelings."

Sunday, November 22, 2015

You don't have to call anymore, I won't pick up the phone.

This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry!

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

I used to be the damsel in distress.

Today was not a fairy-tale.  You aren't the prince.

You are the darkness that surrounds me.   That I am trying ever so desperately to clear away.  But I can't.  Because there are constantly so many reminders of you shoved right onto my lap of you.  It's sickening and makes me sick to my stomach.  Everything about you is sick.  I hate every single thing about you. I hate every single way you have hurt me. Tortured me.  Shattered me.  Humiliated me.  Rejected me.  Tormented me.  I hate every other single way that I can't even continue to list because there are too many.  I hate the way that I can't escape you fully as long as I am where I am right now. That's why, I need to leave.  I need to leave completely.  Start new. Start fresh. Somewhere else.  Away from here. Away from you. So far away from anything to do with you.  You are a sickness.  You are a disease.  One that cannot be cured.  So, I have to cut you off. Like a growing cancer. Because that's what you are. Eating away at all of me.. until I was gone.  Until I was nothing.

But now I am healing. 
and I will be whole again.

Today was not a fairy-tale.  Not today.

But one day will be one.  And it won't include you.